Navigating Different Relationships
Relationships & Community: Navigating Connection Authentically
We’re focusing on something so many autistic adults crave, but often struggle with: connection. Whether you’re seeking friendships, navigating romantic relationships, parenting, or simply looking for “your people,” healthy relationships can exist and they work best when built on mutual understanding and terms that honour both people’s needs.
💛Navigating Friendships & Social Boundaries
Making and keeping friends can be one of the most emotionally taxing (and confusing) parts of being autistic. Many of us are kind, loyal, and deeply caring, however, traditional friendship norms can feel exhausting or unclear.
Here are some ways to protect your energy and build meaningful connections:
- Know your social bandwidth. It’s okay to say no to socializing when you’re drained.
- Be upfront. A simple “I prefer one-on-one time” or “I don’t do small talk well” can create mutual understanding.
- Use social scripts for safety. Preparing a few go-to phrases can help with tricky moments or exits.
- Watch for red flags. People who consistently cross your boundaries, guilt you, or leave you confused or anxious may not be safe to keep close.
💡 Friendship tip: Instead of trying to “fit in,” look for others who already speak your language, whether that’s through shared interests, honesty, or neurodivergent-friendly spaces.
❤️ Dating While Autistic: Honesty, Boundaries, and Connection
Dating often comes with unspoken rules, vague signals, and pressure to mask. But for autistic adults, thriving in relationships starts with radical honesty, both with yourself and with others.
- Clarify what you’re looking for. (Connection? Companionship? Long-term partnership?)
- Disclose on your terms. You don’t have to share your diagnosis on the first date, but if stimming, sensory needs, or social differences come up, honesty can foster trust.
- Keep boundaries visible. Clear, kind communication like “I need downtime after being social” sets the tone for respect.
- Intuition can be tricky. If you struggle with “reading between the lines,” ask direct questions and look for partners who communicate openly.
💡 Dating tip: Neurodivergent relationships, with mutual understanding and care, can be beautiful. But even if you’re dating a neurotypical person, don’t minimize your needs. Compatibility thrives where honesty lives.
👪 Autistic Parenting: Unique Strengths & Support Needs
Many autistic adults are also parents and your way of parenting brings powerful gifts.
Your strengths might include:
- Deep empathy for sensory or emotional experiences
- Routine, structure, and honest communication
- Strong values and unconditional love
But parenting also comes with challenges like sensory overload, executive functioning struggles, or guilt around burnout.
Support ideas:
✔ Have low-sensory parenting tools in your toolkit (quiet activities, fidget baskets, weighted blankets)
✔ Set routines for both you and your child
✔ Don’t fear asking for help or using accommodations
✔ If you’re parenting an autistic child, remember that you bring lived wisdom to the table
💡 Parenting tip: Your kids don’t need a “perfect” parent. They need a real, regulated one. Meeting your needs is good parenting.
🌐 Finding Your People: Online and In-Person Autism Communities
The loneliness many autistic adults feel isn’t because they’re “bad at relationships.” It’s often because they’ve been trying to connect in environments that weren’t designed for them.
Ready to change that?
We offer In-Person and Online Support Groups: http://spectrumcentre.co.za/support-group/
💡 Community tip: You deserve friendships where you can be yourself. If a space makes you feel exhausted, judged, or “too much,” it’s not the right space.
By: Chael Nel, Clinical Psychologist (South Africa)
